To: You

I want to make bad decisions with you, and I want to enjoy it. I want to be able to say whatever the fuck without feeling like I'm tip-toeing over potato chips. I'm probably just going to succeed at freaking you out and coming on too strong. The hell with it. If there's one thing I've figured out lately it's that there are great men out there, who are smart and witty and sweet and sexy. I didn't even believe they existed before, but I'm smarter than Captain Ahab and I'm not going to bend my entire life around something that's never going to work.

So I'm the kind of girl that is on her way home at one a.m. and gives you a call because it'll make her smile, and not because she has anything useful to say.
I'm the kind of girl who hears you're drunk and has the impulse to ask what you really think of her, because fuck it but men are enigmas, and what the hell do you mean by "take things slower"?
I'm the kind of girl who says "I like you" a dozen times until it sounds like it's a lie, but mostly she's just surprised every time she realizes it and really doesn't want you to forget it, because just maybe it'll make you smile and that'd be worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who reads mattress reviews at three a.m. and then right when she's about to go to bed decides, "What the hell?" and even though she's tired and knows it's a bad idea, she likes to make bad decisions, and she likes it.
Because I don't know about you, but when I say I want open communication I mean I'm going to be up-front.
I know how to kiss you, and how to climb on top of you and sometimes I think I know how to make you come, though that still eludes me sometimes. I know how to have conversation across a room while working on homework. I know how to (badly) cook for you. I sortof know how to handle restaurant dates. I have no idea what else "take things slower" might entail, and I'm willing to try, but you've got to suggest something. I really don't know how to make this work.

And this - this undefined thing we've got going on? Undefined? Because I guess I misunderstood when I heard you say you thought the word 'girlfriend' was apt, and I just figured since we weren't having sex with anyone else and you were tossing around 'girlfriend' that that meant dating.

Which isn't a big deal, honestly. Labels are names, and you can call me 'Shirley' if we're both happy, but this example of confusion pisses me off. Where else am I running ahead of you, confusing things, mixing them up? I'm not the perfect woman. I'm irrational and stubborn and sometimes an insomniac and I've known you a week and am falling asleep typing this.

So let me know if you don't think you can handle it, or let me know what

"I feel dumb for calling you at one-fifteen."
"You shouldn't."
"Why not?"
"If I were sober I'd explain."

this conversation meant, because I'm curious. And whichever you pick, I'm sure I'll be happy and myself; hope you'll stay the same.