Nyquil Capslock

I think we were both trying to scare each-other away, and we succeeded. You withdrew, I chased. But. I admitted that I fucked up, and you still haven't? If you're interested, you're going to have to be more than interested. You've got to be willing to put up with me. Bitchy. Frustrated. Crazy. yup, I am. A bit psycho, a whole lotta unapologetic. Short-term, non-committal. Doesn't work for me, unless you admit it up-front. Dear Wife wrote to me:

Heya. Dear Husband and I hung out with Turkic last night and he mentioned that likes you. A lot. You are beautiful, smart, funny. You understand his references, he can have an intellectual conversation with you. He thinks you are “fucking awesome.” And he realizes he screwed up. He doesn’t think he’s worthy enough to have you and that you deserve better. 

But he thinks about you constantly—you are special to him and mean a lot to him. He’s scared because he’s been hurt and he’s hurt you, and he doesn’t want to do that again

He talks about you a lot, and he admits that he made a mistake in breaking up. You’re the first woman that he’s had genuine feelings for in a very long time. His past relationship—he bought his girlfriend an engagement ring, but found out she cheated on him with his best friend. This was about four years ago. He doesn’t do well with affection because he doesn’t want to get hurt. He wants to try again with you, but it will take him time to open up.

He feels horrible for breaking up with you. He’s convinced himself that he’s hurt you, and that he’s a “piece of shit.” He wants to tell you how he feels, but he chickens out because of these things—he’s convinced himself he doesn’t deserve you, that he’s a “piece of shit.” He is also very scared and afraid of being hurt. 

He called you from my phone last night because his phone was dead, and because he wanted to tell you everything I have written here, and more. But he didn’t. He didn’t speak to a machine. 

It’s up to you what you do, if you do anything. I just thought you might like to know what he’s feeling and struggling with. 

and it sortof pisses me off, because I can't be with an asshole that only admits his feelings when he's plastered and there are  dozen or more things wrong with you, especially that you act like a dick when you're insecure and yeah, I'm gonna call you on that shit. I am a whole lot more than attractive and intelligent, and a lot of that is negative adjectives and I'm not going to fake it for anybody. This makes me hard to be around, and some people have thinner skins than others. At this point I'm fine. I'm sick as a very very sick dog and pissed off that this scab is being picked at when I'd just moved on, but I'm good. So put on your big boy panties and use your big boy words and tell me what you want. Because I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to make that happen, but I can't work with no plan.