Red Pen

I am frustrated and pissed off and want to find some man and bit eand climb on top of him and be held down and scream -- it just feels like a lot of rejection all at once, and I should have realized that if a man has infinite psycho exes, at some point he invited that behavior. And I've now (or maybe previously) become that psycho woman. Absofuckinglutely insane - and I hate it! I want to find a big group of folks who'll treat me like an ordinary human being. I feel like I've been rejected over and over and I'm fucking pissed off! And I definitely do not want to be here, or doing this. I want to get in my car and drive and get drunk and get in a fight - I am so fucking pissed off at the world. I like writing in red; I want to take this bloody pen and stab someone with it. I want to go shooting. I want to get drunk. I want to dance and lose control. He's that fucking guy. And it makes sense, I s'pose. Why the hell was I not this fucked up about Arch? Probably because I didn't feel so resoundingly rejected. ASSHOLE. I am pissed off and feeling rejected, and I have NO fucking sympathy for the man who made me this way, and I want to cry and punch somebody. This is miserable. I am ANGRY.