Getting Over

I am not focusing on you. You are just a guy -- who makes me feel happy and optimistic, sure. WHo makes me feel important and useful -- and I like that. I like. Hm. I don't know why I've gotten so attached. I guess I hadn't really moved on, if a couple words could pull me back. I guess I like the chase -- huh. You pissed me off because you made me question myself, and I feel redeemed, because now I can say that my thoughts at the time were accurate. I guess it's all about my ego, 'cos with Arch I had to accept that it wasn't going to happen so I tell myself that it was never going to happen, and you -- you admit that maybe you actually want this, and I jump at the idea, regardless of whether you're ready, and. I want to try this. Like an exotic alcohol, I got a sip once at a party and I'd like to own a bottle, even if I have to wait for it to come back in stock -- and fuck it but my metaphors are awesom. So. Maybe it turns out the aftertaste is nasty. Maybe it just won't be something I like. But I was upset because I thought I'd get the opportunity to find out, and then didn't. But. If I were waiting for curiosity to come back, I wouldn't dwell on that. Am I actually attracted to you, or just attached to an idea? Things wrong with you: vices, lack of communication/openness/trust -- let's write a letter.

Turkic,
I am giving you space right now. My brain is also running three hundred miles per minute on Nyquil, and you're the topic to be picked apart. It's that or the bags under Angela Merkel's eyes. So I wish you'd admit that I'm not some china doll that's gonna shatter and slice you up if you gave me some baggage to handle. Fuck it I guess it's not easy for you to trust -- which is weird. I'm...overt.

I don't even think I can share with you to help this trust thing along, because it's not as hard for me as it is for you. If I'm gonna prove that I can do the hard thing, probably leaving you be is the best bet. Because I'm no good at this. I mean, it's been twelve hours and I'm writing you a letter. 'Course, I won't send it. Probably. If you're going to open up, I'm around. If you're willing to think of me as something that adds a little happiness to your life rather than as a stressor -- hey, I'm here. Ich möchte dir, mein Kindheiterklären. I had it a lot better than many others. --- and worse than some. I know what hungry is like. I know what lonely is like. I know what rejection, what grief is. I've heard you've waded through more shit. A few months ago my sister went through something stupid, and bad, and I still don't know that she's grown up. Well, she hasn't. I don't know that she will. I wish you'd share a bit of your chaos -- but I guess I'm not in that place yet. I guess you don't know me well enough. It's weird, because I know me. And I'm pretty damn good with first impressions, and I think I get you, for the most part.

Huh. I guess I just want more -- and not more, but better details. I'm curious. I want to know your story. You interest me. You're very very different but somehow it feels like we come from a similar place. I'd like to explore that. I guess it all come back to curiosity. You've piqued my interest. The Nyquil is kicking in. My Deutsch ist wirklich besser, und ich bin sicher, und du bist sexy. Ich weiß nicht warum, weil du dick und älter bist, aber ich interessiere mich über dich. Ich habe interesse für deine Geschichte. Jeder hat eine Geschichte, und deine sofort, es zum wegnehmen, hat my interest piqued. I'm loopy. It's weird, and I didn't do this on purpose. Mrrgh yes I have a thought in the back of my head that sickness ends a break -- a moment without stress -- but I like it. Even unplanned.