Lassen

He makes me want to wash dishes, to shave my legs and make my bed and cook jasmine rice and ginger chicken because the idea made him smile.
He makes me want to wrap my arms around him, curled under the covers naked in his bed.
I like the way he rests a hand against my back when we're walking through a store or along the street together. I like how he'll wrap his fingers in mine a little unevenly and just leaves it that way because it's not the placement of fingers that's right, but just that we're  wrapped up together.

He makes it really hard to take things slow, but I'm listening to this song on repeat, so we'll see, right?

I don't want to (This is the sound of falling)

I don't want to fall in love. It's painful, and messy, and just leaves you with scars and alcoholic tendencies. But I do want:

to dance in the dark
to kiss him up against walls until his fingers crawl under my shirt, slip against my back and pull me in tighter
until we fit together so well I want to hold onto the moment to infinity
to watch Star Trek with him and make jokes about Data and
drink tea that's too hot
and talk about the amazing chai at the bagel shop
and hold hands just because
touch anytime we're close
and smile because he's there, or he's not there
but I think
(he tells me)
he's thinking of me.

Yeah, I don't much like sleeping alone. Just sayin'.

Songs

In a conversation with Pink the other day we discussed relationship songs, and it made me think of the ones that make me think of men:

Arch

Turkic

Finn

Hot Rod

Yeah, feel free to judge. It's alright. I'm sick, so I'll blame this on Nyquil if it comes down to it.

Peace

I'm trying (and we'll see if I succeed) to train him to do what he wants -- with the hope that what he wants is me. But kicking him in the butt to run out the door when he's late for work and still has to head home and change...

Neither of us are getting much sleep, me maybe less so, at least last night. Woke up at seven, made breakfast and then had some sex -- SO EXHAUSTED now sitting in class. It's funny, 'cos it's new and tenuous, but it's like we've fallen into a routine of sorts, and he really seems to like sleeping with me (even when it's just sleep!). And we've woken up together the last three nights in a row, twice at his and once at mine, and the sex isn't absurdly amazing or exactly what I want or all the time, but it's good, and kissing him good morning is so much better.

And this song:

Thinking of him

What's happening here? Besides that I'm wired on espresso? ESpresso. Besides that I like rolling over and kissing him? Or joking that I've seduced him and hearing him agree? That he says I'll be his inspiration to stop stretching his schedule...I like him.

What I Want Him to Understand

You say you're going out for a few drinks with the guys, and I know that means you'll probably drink a bit too much and stay out too late and crash at 1am. I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with you not knowing that's what it means, and suggesting that you'll call me up in a couple hours and we'll get together.

I'm okay with you having plans, and doing other things, and maybe we can do this some other time. I'm not okay with you double-booking, and not telling me you can't make it.

I'm okay with you coming over to mine with booze on your breath and exhausted and just wanting to crash out in bed with your arm around me. I'm not okay with waiting for a call you said you'd make that I'm fairly certain won't happen, or the knock on the door that's really unlikely since you'll feel bad for the late hour and just head to your own place, or you telling me you'll try to squeeze me and then not getting back to me.

I think I'm handling this thing pretty well, maybe because I'm avoiding getting too heavily invested, but I can't handle getting strung along. Get back to me, yeah?

Reasons

I write when I'm confused; I've been writing less because he makes me happy. "Smart, sexy, stable," that's what he called me. Just wanted me to stay in bed, with him. Thinks we should make this a daily thing, though he's not sure he can give me every night. I just think it's sweet that he'd offer, indicate that he'd want that. Olive, that fucking bitchcat. He's beautiful just out of the shower and asleep in the morning and UTTERLY MAGNIFICENT, even if he's terrible at goodbye kisses.