Jeez, it's been a couple of days. Well, I had sex with Hardy and don't know whether to call that four or five, but who really cares? Turkic, I guess (ha!), but somehow I get the feeling he won't be seen around much. Finn, maybe, but I don't know that it's really his business. However.
Well, backing up. Friday my new corset (comic themed!) came in. I'd been chatting with Hardy all day and it came down to "if you're more direct, sure you can see it" which became me driving out to his place for movies. And, as it turns out, sex. Which -- I took along condoms, so it was a possibility, but I absolutely intended to leave that night. Yeah. So he made it clear he's not really looking for a relationship, and (I don't know how my brain works, but fuck this connection) to me that means there's nothing to ruin by having sex too early. Or something.
Anyway, I'd gotten advice from Pink that I need to stop spending time with Finn, and definitely not have sex with anyone until I have an actual relationship. Yeah, right. I spent that night at Hardy's house (mostly wanted to find out if the awkward lack of communication would go away with pillow talk, partly didn't feel like driving home) then left in the morning with a bit of groping and no kissing whatsoever. Huh.
Got home after donating plasma, in a bit of a mood. Not regretting the sex, 'cos whatever, but pissed off that it seemed like no man wants to get to know me or spend time with me, aside from what's required to bed me. Drank a bit, ordered sushi, and watched Law & Order. I have strange coping habits.
Got to talking to Finn, who it turns out was trying to fix Betsy (his truck), who's broken down. He was also in a bit of a mood, and probably would have slipped to sleep, except I really was sick of being alone in my state and so I told him I wanted company. He said I could come over.
And then. Me in a corset (same corset, different everything else), curled up to Finn watching Creep Show and yelling at the cat, just hearing about his day and scratching his back, and I got out the questions I wanted to ask -- most importantly how he felt about me getting asked out by other men, since that seems to be happening a lot lately, and he went into the sort of detail about a hypothetical situation that made me wonder if he'd read these posts or saw Hardy & I at the movies (very eerie, actually), but his answer was that I don't owe him any loyalty, could go pursue romantic entanglements to my heart's content, but that he'd still be here.
Jeez. Trying not to read into that, but it's hard, given how he makes me laugh.
And I have to backtrack a little to explain this next bit. In a fully-clothed moment I'd asked Hardy what he wanted, and he'd said "to fuck your brains out." Which he later admitted hadn't happened, so we'd have to try again sometime. Then with Finn inside me I asked what he wanted (hoping he'd come out and admit that it's me) and he said he had what he wanted (my lips on his dick, tits in his face, hands on my ass, and me moaning -- not all at once, obvs). Then he asked what I wanted, and out of curiosity, I said I wanted him to fuck my brains out.
Does that man
ever take suggestions. Wow. In positions I probably wouldn't put on my Top 5 list he made my breath catch and my mind go fuzzy. In the end I
screamed. For a bottom, he's such an impressive top it's not funny. It doesn't hurt that he sang "Car Wash" in the shower afterward, and just talks to me about whatever the hell.
And then. He got hungry and made a point to ask if he ought to cook or if he could impress me with frozen pizza and homemade cookies. So I drove to the store, which was probably the most entertaining Wal-Mart run I've ever been on, and maybe I was a little more handsy in public than I ought to have been, but he didn't say anything. We picked up frozen pizza and breadsticks and steam-in-a-bag veggies and went back to his place to make dinner. Which I didn't help much with, like a derp.
And we sat at the little table-for-two in his kitchen and he opened a bottle of wine and before that while the food was cooking we'd danced around the living room and he'd spun me and. Yes, he makes lovely cookies. He stuffed me full of food and made me laugh and danced with me, and he made the point more than once that he'd be doing the same thing if I hadn't been there, except he wouldn't have had use of my car, but.
Even though he finally kicked me out at 10:30 (after six hours of me camped out at his place) he moaned into my mouth at the end and then sent me a text about getting the mail. It's been a long time coming, but I think I'm falling for him. And I don't know what to do about that at all.
(I'd sent Hardy a message earlier in the day to the effect of "That was odd. What do you think?" and when I got home I saw he'd replied, basically, "I agree. Not sure what I want." I sent back "Take your time." Obviously I need to focus on Finn right now, no matter what Pink says.)
