I feel like I'm making a mistake, but he's not running, or pushing me away. I asked if he could offer what I wanted, and he said as much as he wanted, he didn't think he could. I ought to back off, ought to leave him be, I know that. He said I oughtn't kiss him -- unless it were somehow an accident. Agh. He doesn't want to take any sort of responsibility for the way he makes me feel, for drinking apple juice and dancing downtown at 3am or pulling me in to sleep on his shoulder. He seems to want this, but no sort of responsibility. But the want...is that enough? I say I'm going to seduce him, but does that mean he'll realize he quite likes wrapping his arm around my waist, or that he'll realize he quite likes having someone to wrap his arm around, and it doesn't really matter that it's me?
I want to kiss him, to at some point buck my hips and pull off his shirt and bit his bottom lip while my whole mouth shivers. I want to drive him crazy, and I wonder if there's any chance he'll fall for me, or if I'm kidding myself. I think an organized system of seduction and silence. I want to tempt him, to intrigue him, to turn him on and make him mad (crazy).
We could die tomorrow. There is value in joy, and there is a chance that there will never be joy again. I can't regret kissing a beautiful man.
No matter how life turns out, I refuse to have regrets. I will kiss anyone I want.
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