If I Die

1. Cremated, not buried. 
2. Memorial service, though, of some sort. I think that'd be nice.
3. Invite everybody who knows me - most of the Stouties, and the roommates, and Soprana & Pink, obvs, since they're my best friends. All of my coworkers, and Arch & his family, if they want, but you can leave out men who've just slept with me but don't really know me. 
4. Lots of food - lots and lots of good food. And liquor, and loud music. Ya'll had better dance. Make a cardboard cutout of me and dance with it. Draw a mustache on me, and laugh. 
5. Get on with your lives, and do good.

The Rather Unofficial History of Cambodia 1970-1980

Okay, so in 60s U.S. goes into Vietnam because N. Vietnam (separated at skinny bit) is Communist, and they believe in the super dumb Domino Theory. That's exactly what it sounds like. "Oh emm gee, countries are just like inanimate game pieces."

But after much bloodshed and stupidity the U.S. loses.

That is, they pull out and N. Vietnam takes over S. Vietnam.

Which is what they were trying to avoid.

But! Before that happens, Johnson is ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that N. Vietnamese are hiding in Cambodia. So he helps install a corrupt, useless U.S.-friendly gov't in Cambodia, and proceeds to bomb the heck out of the countryside.

Because that's where the super poor citizens live, and no one will miss them...I mean, that's where the Communists are hiding.

Whatever, it's dumb.

But this bombing helps bring ordinary Cambodians to the side of the Khmer Rouge, which are a revolutionary (Communist) group that wants to overthrow the corrupt U.S.-friendly gov't.

Which they finally do, in 1975, two years after the U.S. has left Vietnam.

Over the next three years their crazy leader Pol Pot leads a systematic extermination of Buddhists, intellectuals, Vietnamese (in Cambodia), etc. etc. The sources are mainly refugees, nothing official, but the world definitely knows there's mass killing happening, if not exact numbers.

The U.S. doesn't want to interfere, because as they see it it's Communists killing themselves, and Asia, and they got all sorts of flak the first time around. The Khmer Rouge is also backed by China, who they're trying to cozy up to, and don't want to piss off. So two million people are murdered or starve to death over a three year period. Of a population of seven million. And the only reason it stops is because the KR start scuffling with (Communist, Soviet-backed) Vietnam, and Vietnam gets pissed off and invades.

They invade, and reveal mass graves and torture facilities, and mass starvation and burned villages, etc. etc.

And the U.S. says "Um. We don't like you. You're Communist, and we hate the Soviets and are trying to get in with the Chinese. So...aside from all the people-killing and genocide and stuff... we'd prefer you to leave Cambodia and give it back to the Khmer Rouge. In fact, we're going to provide them with aid."

The guerilla revolutionary group that had already murdered TWO MILLION PEOPLE.

And because the Cambodian citizens had a Vietnamese puppet gov't, the U.S. refused to give THEM aid.

The starving people.

Instead they asked China to provide the Khmer Rouge with military support.

The guerilla revolutionary group that had already murdered TWO MILLION PEOPLE.

Yeah...how exactly are we a bastion of democracy and good will?

Jealous

"It would be hypocritical of me...""No good at relationships...""Don't want..." "Shouldn't have..."

I asked him if -- well, I told him, rather. He'd said ages back when this first started that he wouldn't be upset if I wanted to try things out again with Turkic, and at the time I rolled my eyes and laughed, but that's not the important part. I referenced this conversation, and said, "I'd want you to be upset."

And then he fell asleep. I was a bit peeved at this. Anyway, he woke up and explained the above whatever. Which upset me, I think naturally. Rather than say nothing and lay in his arms feeling hurt (a very strange situation) I tried to laugh at myself. I said I understood it logically, but the girlitude in me means that I can't help but hear that I'm not worth being jealous over.

Then he redeemed himself quite beautifully by saying, "When a man says he wouldn't be upset it means he would be upset..." and then something about how he shouldn't stand in the way of something that I want more. Anyway, he got a kiss for not being an asshole. And then we had a lovely conversation about the various sex organs and I kept him up for a while. Yeah, that part was good.

Boy Like Me

 

This song has caused me all sorts of problems. When I first heard it I was excited, thought it fit the first few months of me and Arch, that whirlwind of teenage lust and laughter. I knew he wasn't *exactly* like me, but I stretched things.

Then with Turkic it all seemed to slide together and I said, "Yes. This is the one. This song exactly describes him. Yes" and then of course it all blew up and I said, "Fuck if this song describes him. He's also an asshole."

And now there's Finn and I can't help grinning and rolling my eyes.

You’re the kind of boy who likes the kind of girls
Who like to fool around with the boys on the first date

Or without any date at all...

I’m the kind of girl who ain't supposed to like those boys
But I kinda like those boys that like those kind of girls

True enough.

Well maybe it’s fate
We should meet up for a date
So we can sit around and talk about
Those things we just can’t talk about
Like makin’ love and drinkin’ ‘til the sun comes up

Yeah, there isn't any dating, but there's plenty of texting about those topics.

Well hallelujah I finally found a boy like me
Lord have mercy I think I’m in a fantasy
You been talkin’ lots of stuff sayin’ what you’re gonna do
What do you want to do with me
Well hallelujah I finally found a boy like me

Oh, he certainly has been talking. "Wanna fuck?" "As much as I like a little roughness, I believe there's a point at which I would lose focus on the task at hand.""Make it up to you tomorrow."

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...

This is a transcript of a text exchange with Finn today.

7:33 A.M.	To: Finn	It's probably a good thing Mr. Sandman's keeping us apart. My sex drive's a lot like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." :)
8:42 A.M.	From: Finn	Haha. “If you give an M some nookie.”
8:47A.M.	To: Finn	Hahaha! How’s that book end again? Doesn’t the house fall down? I hope your friend’s place is structurally stable. :)
9:51 A.M.	From: Finn	Haha. If you give an M some nookie, she’ll want some light bdsm.
9:54 A.M.	To: Finn	And if D gets some light bdsm he’ll probably want a shower.
9:55 A.M.	From: Finn	And if they take a shower, they will want to cuddle.
9:56 A.M.	To: Finn	And if they cuddle they’ll probably start talking.
9:57 A.M.	From: Finn	And if they start talking chances are they will stay up late.
9:59 A.M.	To: Finn	And if they stay up late M will sleepily scratch D’s head.
10:00 A.M.	From: Finn	And if M scratches his head, he’ll start to babble.
10:02 A.M.	To: Finn	And if he starts to babble the topic could be anything.

That was twenty minutes ago, but eh, he's at work. I just think this exchange is hilarious, and pretty much exactly how us together happens, though not quite as much lately.

In the first five days I think we had sex four times? And then every other or every two days for a while, but not at all between last Wednesday and Monday night. He was moving, I was working, he was sleeping, I was sleeping...all rather ridiculous, actually. On Monday we were flirting throughout the day, but I figured he'd have early evening plans. He said I should come by, I asked when. I was also incredibly tired. He sent me his address, I asked what that was -- and fell asleep.

This was about 8 P.M. He said, "My address. I've penciled you in for 8:30," but I was out. I got that message at about 11:30 P.M. when I woke up. I replied with *headdesk*s, but he was still up so we started inching back toward a meetup. It had been a few days, and yes, I was horny. Anyway, we're talking for a half-hour or so, and he falls asleep. I shrug, figure I'll snuggle under the covers and watch some TV, and after I had decided I really needed to close my eyes, at about 3 A.M., he gets back to me. He says I should swing by in the A.M. if I want, and I say I'm still up, and it is the A.M. What time does he mean? His reply, and probably my favorite thing that any guy can say: "5 minutes from now is perfect ;)".

So I guess we're back on. It's Wednesday, there's flirting, he's got a new place with no roommates and a real bed -- yeah, I'm pleased.