Who needs men? I've got a vibrator.

Fifteen minute guaranteed orgasm. Wonder if any guy can boast those stats. Ah, so that's the solution to the impossible "horny": take it into my own hands. Seems to work.

Life is stressful and my spring break sucked, thanks for asking, and I'm back on an omnivorous diet and ate a stack of thin mints. Way worth it. Also three grapefruits in the last three days, and that was worth it, too.

One of these days I'll get trashed in a bar and have messy drunk sex. For now, it's pink and nine inches long and satisfies me just fine, thanks.